You might have heard the popular phrase “either you win or you learn”. As a way to frame failures.

My experience is that most people don’t learn. Because they don’t want to? Hubris? I’m not sure.

But let me tell you a story.

One day I was rushing to my friend Guido’s wedding. My sister was my +1 (wife was pregnant). So I drove from MD to NJ one Friday to pick up my sister before hustling over to the wedding.

In my haste I made a bad maneuver. I cut someone off. It was my fault and I knew it. They knew it. I said to my sister, “I wish there was a ‘my bad’ sign you could flash to acknowledge when you are in the wrong.” We have the horn to tell others their driving stinks. But we should have a way to acknowledge our own driving mistakes. As it stands, there is no way to say “I’m wrong”…

I forgot about this incident until recently. A friend of mine said you have to be a defensive driver [correct] because everyone else is a bad driver [incorrect]. Listen. I’m like everyone else. If you ask me if I am a good driver I will say “yes” (my driving record is immaculate). We can be good at something and still recognize when we are wrong.

But let’s bring this back to the idea of winning or learning. The first step to learning from a situation is to have enough humility to admit when you are wrong.

How do I develop humility? (you might be asking)

One way, to the extend that I’ve developed any humility, is to have a mental “wrong tracker”.

Here are a couple examples:

• When on a hiring committee, make note on if you agree or disagree with the hire and how they perform. (you’ll find out how often you are wrong)
• If you make a decision or disagree with someone else’s (make note of what you would have done) – actually track how it plays out.

You know what? I’m wrong quite often. Once you can admit that to yourself, then you are one step closer to receiving the news that you are wrong from someone else with an open mind.

“If anyone can refute me – show me I’m making a mistake or looking at things from the wrong perspective – I’ll gladly change. It’s the truth I’m after, and the truth never harmed anyone. What harms us is to persist in self-deceit and ignorance.”

Marcus Aurelius

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